Why Is My Child a Picky Eater?

Gabby
Jul 14
5 min read

Updated: Jul 14

If mealtimes at your house sometimes feel like a negotiation—or a standoff—you’re not alone. Many children go through a phase where they refuse to eat certain foods, only want “beige” things, or flat-out reject anything green. While it can be frustrating, especially when you’re doing your best to provide healthy, balanced meals, picky eating is often a completely normal part of early development. At Te Ōki, we see food not just as fuel, but as a meaningful part of our daily rhythm—a chance to nourish bodies, minds, and relationships.

In this blog, we explore why picky eating happens, what research tells us about children’s eating development, how we support food experiences at our centre, and what you can do at home to help your child feel more confident around food.

The Developing Palate

Children’s preferences for food are shaped by a number of factors, including sensory development, emotional responses, and previous experiences. It’s very common for young children to be sensitive to strong smells, new textures, or unfamiliar flavours. This sensitivity is actually part of the brain’s way of protecting a child from potential harm as they learn what is safe to eat.

Research suggests that it can take between 10–15 exposures to a new food before a child will even try it—let alone enjoy it (Carruth et al., 2004). So, if your child has turned down broccoli three times, don’t give up just yet! A gentle, no-pressure approach works best: seeing the food regularly, being offered it without force, and watching others enjoy it can gradually shift their comfort level.

Sensory Sensitivities

Some children are hypersensitive to textures or sensations. They might find wet, mushy textures unpleasant or feel overwhelmed by foods that mix flavours or smells. In these cases, food aversion isn’t about “being fussy”—it’s often about how the nervous system is processing sensory input.

We approach these situations with empathy and patience. For some children, having control over how much they eat or how the food is presented (e.g., separated on a plate) can reduce anxiety and increase willingness to try.

Role Modelling and Whanaungatanga

Children are constantly watching and learning from the people around them. That’s why shared meal times are so important—not just for nutrition, but for building healthy eating habits. At Te Ōki, we eat together at meal times, with more confident eaters role modelling for those still learning. Tamariki learn by watching others enjoy their food, use utensils, clean their hands, and engage in conversation.

This ties closely to the principle of whanaungatanga—building relationships through shared experiences. From a Te Ao Māori perspective, kai (food) is more than sustenance; it is sacred, it connects us to one another, and it is a way of showing care, manaakitanga, and belonging. We begin our meals by saying a kai karakia, acknowledging the source of our food and the people who helped prepare it. This ritual helps create a sense of rhythm, respect, and gratitude.

What We Do at Te Ōki

We’re proud to provide nutritious, home-cooked lunches each day at our centre. This means whānau can feel confident that their child is getting wholesome meals, even when life is busy. Our meals are designed to be child-friendly but still introduce a variety of flavours, textures, and food groups.

At mealtimes, we:

Sit together as a group with teachers present
Encourage tamariki to try, but never force
Offer water to drink with meals
Practice hygiene rituals like washing hands before kai and wiping faces afterwards
Create calm, predictable environments where food is respected but not pressured

We often see that over time, even the most hesitant eaters begin to experiment and develop confidence when surrounded by peers and calm, trusting kaiako.

How You Can Support at Home

Here are some simple, evidence-informed ideas you can try:

Eat Together: Even a few shared meals during the week make a difference. Children who eat with whānau tend to eat more fruits and vegetables and show better social and language development (Hammons & Fiese, 2011).
Take the Pressure Off: Avoid turning meals into battles. Instead, offer small portions, let your child decide how much to eat, and trust that their appetite will guide them over time.
Offer Variety and Repetition: Keep introducing foods in different ways, and offer foods your child enjoys alongside new ones. Over time, exposure can lead to acceptance.
Involve Your Child: Let them help with grocery shopping, food prep, or serving meals. Ownership and familiarity can make food feel less daunting.
Talk About Food Positively: Avoid using labels like “fussy” or “naughty.” Instead, describe the food in fun and sensory ways (“Crunchy carrots! Sweet corn!”), and celebrate trying—even if it’s just a nibble.

What About Chicken Nuggets Every Night?

Many parents find themselves in the habit of making a separate meal for their child after they’ve rejected what’s on offer—often defaulting to chicken nuggets, toast, or other familiar foods. It’s an understandable response. When time is tight and you’re just trying to make sure your child eats something, it can feel easier to give in.

But research shows that consistently providing alternative meals or catering to very narrow food preferences may actually reinforce picky eating behaviours. Children quickly learn that if they hold out long enough, something more preferred (and often less nutritious) will be served. This limits their exposure to new foods and prevents them from developing flexibility and curiosity around eating (Birch & Fisher, 1995).

It’s important to understand that what looks like “fussiness” is often a child’s attempt to exert autonomy and independence—both of which are important developmental milestones. Setting gentle, consistent boundaries helps children learn that their needs are taken seriously, but that healthy food is not negotiable.

Rather than preparing a whole new meal, consider offering:

The same meal with at least one familiar, “safe” food on the plate
Some choice in how or where they eat (“Do you want your broccoli next to your rice or in a separate bowl?”)
The chance to serve themselves small portions

This strikes a balance between supporting their autonomy and helping them develop long-term healthy eating habits.

A Word of Reassurance

Some phases of picky eating are developmental and temporary. If your child is growing well, has energy, and isn’t overly anxious around food, it’s usually not a cause for concern. But if you’re ever unsure, talk to your child’s GP or reach out to us at Te Ōki—we’re always here to support you.

In a Nutshell

Picky eating is common, especially during the toddler and preschool years. It’s not about being difficult—it’s part of how children develop independence, explore the world, and make sense of new sensations. At Te Ōki, we support children through positive shared experiences around food and rituals that build trust, belonging, and wellbeing. Mealtimes are more than just food—they’re a time to grow relationships, language, and confidence.