Play Is Your Child’s First Language - Why It Matters

At Te Ōki, we believe that play isn’t just something children do — it’s how they speak, how they explore, how they make sense of the world. It’s their first language. When parents join in that world not as the boss, but as a partner, it can have a powerful impact on a child’s development, confidence, and wellbeing.

Play is Your Child’s Voice

Before children can express themselves clearly with words, they use play to show you what they’re thinking and feeling. A child pushing a truck across the floor might be testing out ideas about movement and force. A toddler caring for a baby doll might be showing empathy, or processing their experience of becoming a big sibling. A three-year-old pretending to be a superhero might be exploring power, bravery, or fear.

Play is how children ask questions, tell stories, and share who they are. It’s a space where ideas become visible and feelings get worked through. And when someone joins them in that space — especially someone they love — it becomes even more meaningful.

“Play is the child’s natural language.” – Child-Centered Play Therapy Tenets

Letting Your Child Lead

It can be tempting to take over when you play with your child — to offer instructions, steer the direction, or suggest “better” ways of doing something. But the real magic happens when we follow their lead instead. Letting children decide what to play, how long to stay with it, and what story to tell gives them agency and confidence. It also shows them that we trust their ideas and value their thinking.

Joining play in this way might mean sitting down on the floor and noticing what your child is doing, copying their actions, adding to their ideas gently, or simply being present without directing. You don’t need fancy toys or activities. Children just want you — your time, your attention, and your willingness to step into their world.

The Research Behind the Joy

Te Whāriki, our national early childhood curriculum, reminds us that children learn through responsive and reciprocal relationships, and that play is a key context for learning. It highlights the importance of Whakamana (empowerment) and Mana Tangata (contribution) — both of which flourish when adults take on a partnering role in play, rather than a controlling one.

The Ministry of Education’s Talking Together – Te Kōrerorero also emphasises the value of serve-and-return interactions — where adults and children engage in back-and-forth exchanges that build language, thinking skills, and emotional connection. Play is the perfect setting for this kind of interaction, especially when parents are tuned in and open to where their child wants to go.

“The human need to play is biologically hardwired into the brain.”— Jaak Panksepp, neuroscientist (1998)

His research shows that play is one of the brain’s core emotional systems — meaning children need it just like they need sleep, food, or love. When you join your child in safe, trusting, joy-filled play, you’re supporting the development of brain pathways tied to learning, confidence, and emotional wellbeing.

Research also shows that children whose parents play responsively and talk with them (rather than at them) tend to have stronger language skills, better emotional regulation, and more social confidence (Weisleder & Fernald, 2013; Hirsh-Pasek et al., 2015).

Practical Moments That Matter

You don’t have to schedule special “play time” or come up with grand ideas. The most powerful moments often happen during everyday routines — when you’re getting dressed, waiting at the bus stop, or hanging out at the park. Letting your toddler explore a puddle with their hands, joining them as they build with blocks, or narrating their actions while they play “kitchen” — these are simple yet rich learning moments.

Remember, you’re not being tested. You don’t need to “teach” something or “do it right.” Just being there, noticing, and responding is more than enough.

What is “Tracking” in Play?

“Tracking” is a simple but powerful way to support your child’s language development. It means noticing out loud what your child is doing, seeing, or feeling — without asking questions or giving instructions. You’re not directing their play or leading the conversation; you’re simply being present and narrating their experience.

It’s like being a friendly sportscaster in your child’s world — describing their actions as they unfold.

Examples of Tracking in Action

Here are some real-life ways you might use tracking during play:

• While your toddler builds with blocks: “You’re stacking the blue block on top of the red one. Now you’re reaching for the yellow one. That’s a tall tower you’re making.”

• When your child is playing with a doll or action figure: “Your dolly’s having a sleep in the bed. Now she’s getting up and going for a walk. You tucked her in so gently.”

• Exploring outdoors: “You found a big stick! You’re dragging it through the mud. Look at the lines it’s making.”

• Playing with cars: “You pushed the red car really fast down the ramp. Crash! Now it’s upside down.”

• Drawing or painting: “You’re using the green crayon now. Lots of swirly lines. Oh, now the blue is going over the top.”

Tracking doesn’t have to be constant — just sprinkling in these observations while you’re sitting with your child during play can make a big difference.

Why is Tracking So Helpful?

Tracking supports oral language and communication by:

• Modelling language: Children learn the names of objects, actions, colours, and ideas by hearing them used in context.

• Supporting emotional development: When adults track calmly and respectfully, children feel seen and valued — which builds connection and trust.

• Reducing pressure: Because tracking isn’t about questioning or correcting, children are more likely to engage and share their own thoughts.

• Encouraging turn-taking: Tracking creates a natural pause for the child to respond, which is the foundation of conversation.

As highlighted in Talking Together – Te Kōrerorero (MoE, 2020), serve-and-return exchanges like tracking are vital for brain development and early communication.

This approach is also central in Child-Centered Play Therapy, where practitioners emphasise that simply noticing — rather than judging or correcting — builds children’s self-esteem and emotional safety.

When to Reach Out

If your child seems withdrawn during play, rarely uses gestures or eye contact, or hasn’t begun using words or sounds by 18 months, it’s always okay to check in with your whānau nurse or a speech-language therapist. You’re never overreacting — early support can make a big difference.

At Te Ōki, we’re always happy to talk with you about your child’s development and can help connect you with the right people if you ever have concerns.

Final Thoughts

Play is how your child connects with the world. When you step into that space as a willing, loving companion, you're saying, “I see you. I value you. I’m here with you.” That message — more than any toy or activity — is what builds the strongest foundation for learning and belonging.

“It is the child who leads the play, and the adult who follows — with curiosity, respect, and presence.”— CCPT Tenets

We hope this blog made you think of your own childhood play memories, or sparked ideas for connecting more meaningfully with your little one. At Te Ōki, we’re walking this journey with you — one playful moment at a time.