Why Does My Child Cry at Drop-Off?

If you’ve ever walked away from the centre with a lump in your throat after a tearful goodbye, you’re not alone. Crying at drop-off is something many tamariki go through at some point—whether they’re just starting care, returning after a break, or adjusting to a big life change like a new sibling or a move.

While it can be hard to see, this behaviour is not only normal—it’s a powerful signal that your child is forming healthy, secure attachments. Let’s explore what’s really going on when your child cries at drop-off, and how we can support them together.

If your child is new to care or returning after a break, you might also like our blog on Tips for Settling Into Childcare.

It’s About Attachment—Not Separation Anxiety

In the early years, your child’s emotional world is built on attachment. This means they rely on a few trusted adults (usually parents and caregivers) to feel safe, regulated, and secure. When you leave—even temporarily—it can feel overwhelming for their developing brain, because they’re wired to stay close to the people who meet their needs.

The fact that your child cries when you leave means they’re bonded with you. It’s not a failure—it's actually a sign of a healthy connection. Over time, as they build strong relationships with their teachers and feel safe in the centre environment, they develop confidence in your return—and their distress usually fades.

The Developing Brain and Big Emotions

Your child’s brain is still learning how to manage big feelings. In the early years, the limbic system (emotional brain) is highly active, while the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and regulation) is still under construction. This means that in moments of stress—like saying goodbye—they don’t have the tools to calm themselves yet.

What helps most is a calm, consistent adult presence. That’s where you (and we!) come in.

Social Development Takes Time

Settling into a group setting involves learning a whole new set of social rules and rhythms. It takes time to build trust with new people, understand new routines, and feel confident to play without your presence. Add a new baby at home or a change in the family dynamic, and these emotions can feel even bigger.

How We Support Children at Te Ōki

At Te Ōki Early Learning, we take drop-off time seriously. Your child’s Special Teacher is there to offer warmth, comfort, and consistency as your child settles. We’ll always respond with compassion, not pressure.

If your child has had an especially tearful morning, you might receive a reassuring text or Kebudel post with an update or a photo showing that they’ve settled in. You’re also always welcome to call or email us if you’re feeling uncertain—we’re here for you too.

What You Can Do to Help

Here are some simple, effective ways you can support your child through drop-off transitions:

• Keep goodbyes short, calm, and consistent – Long, emotional goodbyes can make it harder. A predictable ritual (like a hug, a wave, and a goodbye phrase) gives your child a sense of security.

• Talk about what to expect – Use clear, positive language: “You’ll have fun playing, then I’ll come back after afternoon tea.”

• Validate their feelings – It’s okay to say, “You’re feeling sad that I’m going. I’ll miss you too.”

• Build connection time outside of drop-off – Quality time at home helps your child feel filled up emotionally, making transitions easier.

• Stay confident and calm – Your child looks to you to gauge if the environment is safe. When you show trust in the people and place, they will too.

These small everyday moments are also part of how your child builds important life skills—read more about that in What Is My Child Learning?.

Final Thoughts

Crying at drop-off is a phase many children move through—it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. In fact, it’s part of the journey of growing confidence, building resilience, and learning to trust others.

At Te Ōki, we’re here to support you and your child through every part of that journey. If you ever feel unsure or just need to check in, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re walking this path together.